How are bidets superior to toilet paper?

First off.. If you haven't read our Environmental Motivations then please start there.

How are bidet's superior to toilet paper? 

  1. Quicker (cleaning up with a bidet takes less than 5 seconds)
  2. More effective (No more undie re-arrange, dingleberries, return wiping trips etc)
  3. More hygienic (hand stays well clear of the brown zone)
  4. Significantly better for the environment (Environment Motivations)
  5. Cheaper (sprayer pays for itself within one year)
  6. Stops the itch, not to mention the self esteem damage when you fail to wipe properly. "How is this still happening?"
  7. Stops and prevents any anal fissures or hemorrhoids (no more blood) 
  8. Stops reliance on consumable product (you'll never have to buy toilet paper again).
  9. Can be used to clean a cloth diaper, the toilet, bathroom, dog, shower, discipline a small child. Whatever you want really. (we won't judge you)
  10. Source of hydration in the most desperate of times. (again, no judgement)
  11. Never ending hilarity of spraying your partner, house mate, parent, child, tinder date etc.
  12. End the over/under toilet paper dispense debate for good. (A small step towards world peace)